A scurrilous escapade through the yard with Lawnie

So today I decided that it was about time that the lawn mower and I get over our differences and unite our talents and abilities once again to conquer the front yard. BAD IDEA!
Now, the weather here in the little "paradise" known as Parker, Colorado lately has been freakish to say the least. Our yard is... well was COVERED in green leaves that were stripped from the tree in the hail. Among the tornadoes and hail storms, the roofing companies are making some serious dough. But must they be making it across the street right when I have to mow the lawn?!
So I fill er up and take her out front. The back left wheel is completely stripped now. So it kind of hobbles and limps rather than rolls smoothly. I think this is hilarious. Serves it right!!
So I get around our massive yard a couple of times and little Lawnie (I decided that should be "it's" name. Creative, I know...) decides to BLOW UP!!!!!!! Yes! Blow. Up. In. My. Face.
So I let go so it will turn off. I am spitting out grass and leaves when I look up. Guess who saw the whole thing? Yep. The roofers. So not only do I look like I am way to young to be mowing the lawn, now I just seemingly proved it. So I put back on the little doorway to... heck that keeps breaking and start it up again. So I go around a little more because, well, everyone...thing... deserves a second chance. But no, it blows up in my face again. And again... and again. and again. and again.... you get the picture. It doesn't even matter if I hammer it in properly anymore, it blows up just the same and gets grass and leaves in my mouth, in my shirt, in my hair, you name it.
Sometime in all of this Holly brought me a 7-11 Slurpie for which I was very grateful. I needed the sugar in my bloodstream before I too blew up. I uh... Misplaced... the straw. Funny thing is, pieces of it kept showing up in my slurpie.... odd huh? ....
At this point everyone is beginning to be sort of impressed. The roofers are impressed because they finally realize that it isn't fully my fault and I am not that bad at mowing our vast and mountainous yard, I can hold up a hammer, and if nothing else, I am great comedy relief to their very exciting job. I am impressed because Lawnie can actually spit grass and leaves to impressive heights at a very painfully fast velocity. And Lawnie is impressed at my stupidity and determination as I continue to make a fool of myself by finishing the lawn.
So I survived... and I have such sweet memories with Lawnie to share at it's funeral... If that happens to be tomorrow morning, I just want everyone to know, I DIDN'T DO IT....
Much Love!!