Ah, the Sweet Smell of Decay

It's that time of year again! :)

I know it is still warm and sunny here in little Parker, Colorado, BUT...

There is that certain crispness lingering in the air and hinting of FALL. Despite being a summer kind of girl, I revel in the energy that this change of season brings every year. It carries change, promise, and, of course, my daydreams of walking through Central Park in a cashmere sweater while the dying leaves crunch beneath my feet.

http://www.lostmanproject.com/blog/united-states/new-york-city/american-elm

Here's to new beginnings and hot chocolate weather. [And, someday, Central Park.]

Happy [almost] Fall!

P.S. I last posted about this two years ago... Cashmere in New York

Much Love!!

I Am Not My Hair

For me, today is a day of reflection.

Two years ago today, I walked into Doctor Davies' office for my very first appointment with a specialist about this wonderful medical mystery that has become a big part of my life.

For a few weeks I have known this day was coming. I wondered how I would feel. Would I feel sad? Would I feel bitter? Would I feel like laying in bed all day, crying?

I am happy to inform you that all of these are far from the mark. :)

The thing I feel most strongly today is Gratitude.

This has been quite the journey so far, and I'm sure I still have a long way to go. But I am so grateful for how far I have come. For the people I have met. For the things I have learned. For the tender mercies that fill my life every single day.

Today I woke up, studied, made a delicious breakfast, and went out in our jungle of a backyard to tackle some weeds and stray aspen saplings. In a little while, I will go to work to be a nurse, a role model, a teacher, a friend, and a teammate to dozens of adorable little kids. I even get to do all of this without crutches, a boot, or wings.

For these reasons and more, I know that I live such a blessed life. :)

Today as I was yanking the souls of dandelions out of the lawn like a heartless gardener, I was thinking about something Julie B. Beck said when she came to BYU-Idaho my very first semester. She said that our sins, our weaknesses, our circumstances DO NOT define us. So I was pondering on how I define myself.

Sometimes I define myself as an English major, a writer, a reader. Sometimes I am an old soul, an old maid, an older sibling. Sometimes a runner, an outdoorsy person, or just plain clumsy.

Unfortunately, I find myself often defining myself by the exact things that Julie B. Beck warned against. Sometimes in my mind I am a chronic pain patient, an imperfect mess, or heaven forbid... A lonely, single 21-year-old LDS girl who isn't on a mission or married.

While each of these definitions may describe a piece of me or you, it is of utmost importance that we always define ourselves by what and who we really are: A Child of God.

Ready or not, here come more inspirational quotes:

Neal A Maxwell said, " We cannot build up the kingdom steadily if we are constantly tearing ourselves down."

I'd like to pair that with my personal favorite quote. [Sharing this in RS is always a funny experience... Gasps of shock, followed by nods of approval.] "If you ever hear something from within telling you that you are not good enough, tell it to go to Hell, because that is where it came from."

Our Father knows we're not perfect. But He never ever wants us to feel discouraged because He knows the potential we have. With that in mind, I'd like to be all cheesy and say:


Hi. I'm Michelle Clark. I am in unexplained pain everyday. I have seen 19 doctors with no relief. In fact, it's basically gotten a lot worse. Sometimes it really just makes me want to scream. But I have learned [like Stephenie Nielson--whose challenges far surpass mine] that "I am not my body." I am not my sins. I am not my weaknesses. And even though it is really fun and exciting, I am not even my hair. ;) I am a child of God with potential that I don't yet realize. For this I am so grateful. :)


Much Love!!

BUGS! Yick.

There is nothing quite as distracting as a bug INSIDE your windshield.

This experience tonight had me thinking about distractions. I'm just picking on one example tonight: TV.

I'm not one to sit down and watch much TV. To be honest... most of the time I prefer a book anyways. But the truth of it is, if I do sit down in front of a good [or less than great] show, I get sucked in just as much as anyone else.

And even worse are the infinite number of series that are all conveniently at my fingertips on Netflix, Hulu, ABC Family.... You name it. For these gems I don't have to wait the week in between episodes. Life has to wait a week for me to finish the episodes! [We've all been there. Haha]

I've become seriously hooked on some shows in the past that have been a less than wonderful influence in my life. Are they evil? No. Did they make me feel awful all the time? Certainly not. The fact is that they became major distractions.

Once I am hooked, they are really hard for me to let go of. And if I let them, they can become a major time suck! Priorities get shifted and eventually my perspective begins to be a little off.

This is where the bug comes in.

Bugs live outside. They splat against our windshields all the time. We know that they are there and they don't usually stop us from continuing to drive on our course and make it to our destination. In fact, when they are living outside of our windshield, we hardly notice them at all. We're too busy moving along at howevermanyMPH [Of course, never over the speed limit....] and getting to where we need to be.

However, when we open that door and let the bug INSIDE and they begin to be with us constantly, then it is a whole different ballgame. For it is not an easy task to persuade a small, but very visible bug that they want to leave the wide expanse of glass that looks like freedom and move to the side where you've opened the real escape.

It is especially difficult and dangerous to do so while you should be occupied doing something much more important... Like uh... Watching the road and the other cars around you!

Point: [I promise I actually had one when I began to type this. Not sure where it went...]

TV shows, YouTube, Books, Social media, whateveritmaybeforyou can be very good things. But we've always got to ask ourselves, is it worth it?

This show is hiliarious! But is it worth sitting through the crude jokes?

Netflix put ALL 3 SEASONS UP!!! Yesssss!!! But is it worth the time I will lose to do better things? Is it worth me telling my little sister to go away because I'd rather spend time with fictional characters than help her do her hair?

It's all about perspective, moderation, and good old fashioned self control. Entertainment is good and it certainly has its place. BUT I guess that little bug today helped me realize that I want to do better at choosing the best, at reducing distractions, at focusing on things that matter most.

I don't want to let those dang bugs inside! I want to keep them on the OUTSIDE of my windshield because I don't want them to go with me where I'm headed.

Much Love!!

Peas and Raisins

For my Writing Children's Literature class, I have been working on a revamped Princess and the Pea manuscript. So I have been thinking a lot about this story. Today this wonderful, cliche metaphor hit me.

I just feel like it is a Young Women's lesson I would have treasured because I adore fairy tales. Maybe I will get the chance to teach it someday or something. But for now... This one's for you, my lovely blog readers. [I won't get extra crazy, but I will give you just a thought.] Excuse the cheese... and the peas. :)


"We are daughters of our Heavenly Father." We say it all the time.

We have a divine heritage. We have divine potential. This is written on the posters on our walls.

We are princesses. We hear this every week.

But how often do we actually stop to think about it? To believe it?

Mom, do you realize that you are a princess? I sometimes forget to remember who I am.

Obviously, if you read my blog you know how I feel about raisins. Today, I'd like to introduce you to peas.

Because of our divine potential, there are many peas stuck underneath our mattresses. We've got to prove who we are. Are we worthy to live in a castle? To marry a prince? To become a queen?

To me, peas are trials, tests, hardships. They are put under our mattresses by circumstance, by our own choices, and by the choices of others.

The specific peas that I am thinking about today are peas pertaining to negative peer influence. These are the kind of peas that we, as princesses, MUST be sensitive to.

When someone puts in a movie or plays a song that isn't congruent with our standards, this is the time to decide if we will be who we are. It's time to ask: Will I choose to feel the pea and be proven a princess? OR Will I ignore it, jump off the mattress, and forfeit the benefits and blessings of being a princess, pea by pea?

It certainly is not easy to risk offending those around us. It is not easy to take those first steps to leave the room. It is not easy to miss out on activities. When you choose to act like a princess, take action, and notice the peas, you get bruises. It's as simple as that. But blessings come. And it IS worth it. I know this without a doubt.

Little things like peas [and raisins] matter.


After I had been mulling over these thoughts, I read a wonderful poem that I feel like applies to my peas and raisins philosophy.

Ladies and gentlemen. Gerard Manley Hopkins.

Pied Beauty

GLORY be to God for dappled things—
For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow;
For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim;
Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches’ wings;
Landscape plotted and pieced—fold, fallow, and plough;	5
And áll trádes, their gear and tackle and trim.
All things counter, original, spare, strange;
Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?)
With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim;
He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change:	10
Praise him.

To me this is just all about finding beauty in unlikely places. It is about opposition and imperfection. It's about real life.

My teacher gave us the first line "Glory be to God for..." and asked us to quick write our own version.

Peas and Raisins

Glory be to God for the Raisins in the bran--

For the peas beneath my mattress.

For the fire beneath my skin.

For learning each day by doing...

And messing up.

Again and again... And again.

For children's laughter

And freckles and smiles.

For rollercoasters.

For running three miles.

For family time

And motorcycles too!

These things all bring me joy.

And I'd like to say: Thank You!

--Michelle Clark

I'm no Gerard. That's for sure. But this poem meant a lot to me. Especially because it was a free-flowing quick write. 

I'm grateful for the peas and for the raisins. I truly have been so amazingly blessed. I feel my Savior's love most tenderly today. I know that His hand is directly in my life. I know that He is the only reason that I can manage my pain, the fire beneath my skin, with a smile and with hope. He is everything. When looked at with the correct perspective, it is apparent that fairy tales do exist. Happily ever afters do exist. They just take faith and work. I'm so grateful to the many people that have helped me to learn these things.

Be who you are. Be a princess. Be sensitive to the peas. Endure them. Enjoy life. Smile. Notice the raisins. Run with patience. [These are my goals.]

Much Love!!

Why is Everybody Afraid of Love?

Haha. Here's a gem.

It gets better the more you watch it. :) Enjoy. Smile today!

Love Video

Much Love!!

Peace

Today I am grateful for peace.

Quentin L. Cook's April General Conference Talk talks specifically about peace. It is really an amazing talk. I suggest reading and re-reading it!

My roommate Brooke and I were talking about the truth that we can be in a really bad circumstance and be happy or be in really great circumstances and be unhappy. I think that this is parallel to this idea of being able to find peace even amidst the most difficult trials through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Then there is all of the scary and terrible things that are happening in our world today. These inspire feelings of fear and despair. This talk really puts these things into perspective by reminding us that we can have personal peace while the world may be extremely un-peaceful.


A couple of things that stuck out to me from this talk today are:

"Peace is not found by attaining great wealth, power, or prominence. Peace is not found in the pursuit of pleasure, entertainment, or leisure. None of these can, even when attained in abundance, create any lasting happiness or peace.

The Savior is the source of true peace. Even with the trials of life, because of the Savior’s Atonement and His grace, righteous living will be rewarded with personal peace."


I know that these things are true! I am grateful for the Atonement that allows us to have peace despite trial or turmoil. I hope that you can find peace today. :)

Much Love!!

Universal Qualities

I'm taking a World Religions class.

And I LOVE it. (Understatement.)

This just made me happy. Some things like smiles and dancing are just universal! :) Enjoy!

Awesome Video!!!

Much Love!!