I Am Not My Hair

For me, today is a day of reflection.

Two years ago today, I walked into Doctor Davies' office for my very first appointment with a specialist about this wonderful medical mystery that has become a big part of my life.

For a few weeks I have known this day was coming. I wondered how I would feel. Would I feel sad? Would I feel bitter? Would I feel like laying in bed all day, crying?

I am happy to inform you that all of these are far from the mark. :)

The thing I feel most strongly today is Gratitude.

This has been quite the journey so far, and I'm sure I still have a long way to go. But I am so grateful for how far I have come. For the people I have met. For the things I have learned. For the tender mercies that fill my life every single day.

Today I woke up, studied, made a delicious breakfast, and went out in our jungle of a backyard to tackle some weeds and stray aspen saplings. In a little while, I will go to work to be a nurse, a role model, a teacher, a friend, and a teammate to dozens of adorable little kids. I even get to do all of this without crutches, a boot, or wings.

For these reasons and more, I know that I live such a blessed life. :)

Today as I was yanking the souls of dandelions out of the lawn like a heartless gardener, I was thinking about something Julie B. Beck said when she came to BYU-Idaho my very first semester. She said that our sins, our weaknesses, our circumstances DO NOT define us. So I was pondering on how I define myself.

Sometimes I define myself as an English major, a writer, a reader. Sometimes I am an old soul, an old maid, an older sibling. Sometimes a runner, an outdoorsy person, or just plain clumsy.

Unfortunately, I find myself often defining myself by the exact things that Julie B. Beck warned against. Sometimes in my mind I am a chronic pain patient, an imperfect mess, or heaven forbid... A lonely, single 21-year-old LDS girl who isn't on a mission or married.

While each of these definitions may describe a piece of me or you, it is of utmost importance that we always define ourselves by what and who we really are: A Child of God.

Ready or not, here come more inspirational quotes:

Neal A Maxwell said, " We cannot build up the kingdom steadily if we are constantly tearing ourselves down."

I'd like to pair that with my personal favorite quote. [Sharing this in RS is always a funny experience... Gasps of shock, followed by nods of approval.] "If you ever hear something from within telling you that you are not good enough, tell it to go to Hell, because that is where it came from."

Our Father knows we're not perfect. But He never ever wants us to feel discouraged because He knows the potential we have. With that in mind, I'd like to be all cheesy and say:


Hi. I'm Michelle Clark. I am in unexplained pain everyday. I have seen 19 doctors with no relief. In fact, it's basically gotten a lot worse. Sometimes it really just makes me want to scream. But I have learned [like Stephenie Nielson--whose challenges far surpass mine] that "I am not my body." I am not my sins. I am not my weaknesses. And even though it is really fun and exciting, I am not even my hair. ;) I am a child of God with potential that I don't yet realize. For this I am so grateful. :)


Much Love!!