As you walk across a crowded parking lot your mind bursts with ideas of the best strategy to tackle the enterprise ahead. You say to yourself, This is better than Garage Sale Season as you mercilessly bore holes through the other participants on their way into chaos with your eyes. As you size them up the briefest millisecond of eye contact is all it takes to speed your step. It's cold and I am trying to get inside you tell yourself. But inside you know the truth of it. After all, they are the enemy.
Yes. This is a true story. A story about BLACK FRIDAY.
You step through the double-glorious-doors, wrestle a cart, and speed off down the aisle knocking things down as you cut corners close. Every second counts. This is when your careful planning comes into play. Those poor first-timers. Ha! You have the map printed and memorized. In fact, you color coordinated it by priority last night. Not that you would admit that to anyone. I wouldn't want anyone thinking I am crazy or anything... You weave through the sale bins, picking up everything in sight that you may or may not need, throwing bows only when necessary. However, if someone else dares shove their bony elbow anywhere near me, they will pay. And I don't mean for the items in their cart. The sight of a little pigtail whipping out of sight with what seems like the last of the griddles stops your heart momentarily. Oh they want to play dirty, do they? You force a facade of calm concern over the fury on your face and go to confront the jovial, little cheater that is her mother. But no need, 10 other people had their eye on that griddle and they got the job done. Some didn't even bother with the facade. Is she crazy? You wouldn't bring a child into an adder's nest, it's common sense. This is no different. No matter. The next store opens in an hour and I like that griddle better anyways... But that store has campers. Campers infuriate you. You'd like to waltz up to them and tell them exactly where they could stick their tents, but a cop car roving the parking lot puts a damper on that plan. BFFs never get off easy anyways. (Black Friday Fighters) In fact you just got finished egging on a graphic fight over a pair of Princess Pajamas at JC Penny's. And people think that men don't get into shopping. Ha! It took 3 taser cartridges before the big man went down and you could sneak in and quietly snatch the PJs while everyone watched them being cuffed. But before you can make it to their carts, the crowds remember the first rule about BLACK FRIDAY. Never lose sight of what you want until it is in your cart.
Much Love!!
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